DDLG Advice Column: Sub Trouble (Episode 2)

Episode 2: Sub Trouble

In DADDY ISSUES, we sort out your kink questions.

We’ve still been collecting your questions from the email list, and we’re sending the best ones to the experts to get answered.

One question that seems to come up a LOT is about getting your dom to take it seriously.

Many people seem to have doms/daddies who can be a little lenient, or are worried about causing harm to their little.

That’s totally normal–and in fact is a sign of a good, caring relationship.

However, it can lead to problems if you’re not getting what you need out of the dynamic.

Fear not…Lady Promethea’s here to help!

Dear Lady Promethea,

If your dom or daddy is rather goofy or very lenient, how can you get them to be more dominant and stick by the rules that you create together?

Thanks,

Bratty in Bentonville

 


Dear Bratty in Bentonville,

Being A Brat

If your name is any indication of your submissive style – you likely try to brat in order to receive the funishment (or punishment if breaking a serious rule) you want – and if I am to make another educated guess from your inquiry – you are just not receiving the expected response to your provided stimulus.

Normally if a dominant is not fulfilling their side of the agreement, it could be one of three main reasons – he is not yet firm in his own style of domination, he has forgotten the rules, or he does not feel comfortable with them.

The easy answer to all three, and to your question, is to communicate your concerns openly and honestly.  

Candid Chat

Do not spring the conversation on him.  

Tell him you would like to set aside some time to discuss your dynamic, specifically the rules and the punishments associated with breaking them.

During the in between time (or even before you set the time) it is a good practice to know exactly what it is that you feel is lacking – is he not enforcing the rules consistently?  

Or not at all?

Are there specific rules he seems more keen on sticking to?

How often does he actually take the rules to heart?

Back To The Rulebook

And also review the rules themselves – do they seem lax or unimportant or even insignificant?  If so that may be urging him to be lenient because he may think them to be silly.

When you do sit down to talk to him, ask him what he thinks of the rules, the punishments.

Ask him how he feels when you are good, and when you go against the rules that are set out.

Ask him if he wants anything to change about them.  Discuss how it makes you feel about yourself, your dynamic, and him when he does not follow through.

Usually candid and thorough discussion will bring out the answers you seek and then you can discuss how to proceed in the future!

Let me know how it goes, Bratty.

I remain,

Lady Promethea

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