DDLG Anxiety: Tips and Tricks for Calming an Anxious Little

Many people suffer from anxiety and panic disorders, and while it is still always best to seek professional help if and when you can, as a Daddy or a Mommy with a little who has to manage through these stressful situations, it is so important to understand how to calm a little, and what the best methods for helping a little who suffers from anxiety flare-ups are.

Listed below are some ways to help your little come down from an anxiety or panic attack.

The best methods for dealing anxiety often involve distraction in some way.

By drawing a person’s mind away from the problems making them anxious, and helping bring them back to reality, you can calm and console them better.

There are many methods that do so, and we will go over some of the ones that work best for me.

Grounding

destress

Grounding is a technique that involves giving your mind an active task.

The one my Daddy uses involves finding things that involve your five senses.

Five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

This one is a sort of game you can play which can work even better for a playful little.

However, sometimes the anxiety is too much and focus is not something attainable right away and needs to be worked towards.

In those more dire cases, grounding can be achieved by giving your little something easier to focus on.

Start by using calm, soft tones.

Have them focus on your voice and the words you are saying.

Bring them something that might help them ground – a favourite stuffie for them to hole, a blanket to touch – something tactile that they can grab and busy their hands with until they are abke to be responsive.

Then move on to grounding by helping them become aware of their surroundings, the familiarity of them, and their place amongst them.

Breathing

Proper breathing is essential to attaining a certain level of calm during an anxiety attack. There are various ways to go about regulating one’s breathing.

Breathing in time with a GIF is a popular method, but I prefer humming.

breathing gif

By picking a favourite song and humming it, you can regulate your breathing and be comforted by something familiar.

For a little with a fondness for music, this technique can work wonders.

Start by telling them what you are goong to hum and telling them to hum along.

If they are okay with being touched at this time (sometimes they aren’t) then stroke their back gently in time with the tempo of the song.

Choose a song that is slow and measured, if possible.

Another tried, tested and true method of slowing someone’s breathing is to count out the length of a breath: “inhale, 2, hold, 2, out, 2, 3, 4.”

It gives them a singular focus instead of having their minds fragmented and running rampant.

Be Calm and Patient

de stress 2

Sometimes a little bit of monkey see, monkey do can help.

When your little sees that you are calm and collected it will help them realize that they are not in a place or situation that is dangerous to them.

They are safe with you, and you are okay, so it’s okay for them to be okay.

It urges them to aspire to the same calm state that you have managed to maintain.

If you are panicing right along with them, it only fuels the fire.

Use soothing tones when you speak.

Use simple words and short sentences so as not to confuse.

Do not ask too many questions, especially if they are having a hard time breathing or focusing.

Get them to a point where they are more lucid first.

And never ever rush them.

Sometimes it may take a few moments.

Other times it may take hours.

Be prepared to spend the time and do not abandon them in the midst of their time of need.

Self-Reassurance

The main cause of anxiety is fear and worrying about what might happen, but putting yourself in a present-focused state of mind, you can calm down.

Have your little ask themselves what’s happening at the current time.

Are they safe?

Have they run those errands they were supposed to?

Did they put the milk back in the fridge?

If there’s something they need to do, it’s better to do it rather than worry about the future.

Medicating

Some people with anxiety or panic disorders do have prescribed medication that will help them calm down.

Ask your little if they have a prescription that will help and that they want to take.

If so, administer the proper dosage.

Make sure you read the label carefully before giving angone medication.

Continue to help clam them down while the medication takes effect.

destress balloon
Addressing The Issue

Once your little has calmed down and they are in a state of mind where they can communicate effectively and the topic will not trigger another attack, ask them if they want to talk about what happened.

Encourage them by telling them they are safe to express whatever is alarming or concerning them, and reassure them that you are there to help, never to judge, and will stand by them as they work through whatever has them anxious.

Try not to just give platitudes.

Be gentle about offering ideas for solutions.

Read the situation – tone, body language, diction.

If they really are not ready to find a way to fix the issue, do not push the matter.

In Conclusion…

Dealing with anxiety can be really hard for all parties involved.

I know from both ends.

Always remember, no matter who you are, if you have anxiety and panic in your life, this does not make you any less, by any means.

If you are a little who is prone to anxiety or panic attacks, please always let your significant others know. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

But also always understand not everyone has the capacity to handle anxiety.

You will need to decide whether that is a trait you will need in a partner, or if your partner is willing to learn.

And likewise, dominants with a submissive who suffers from these types of disorders, if you cannot handle it, be honest and upfront about this.

If you are capable or willing to try, then let them know and work together on the best ways for both of you to handle such situations should they arise.

10 Ways To Get Into Little Space Right Now

Have you ever had a rough time getting into littlespace?

I know I have before.

Oftentimes it is when external adult stressors are rearing their ugly heads and piling on so high there is just no time or space to get little.

My mind just whirls and swirls, locked in a loop where all I can do is think about all the things that need to get done, thus locking me in big space for far too long.

Age play and little space is therapeutic for many.

Allowing your adult brain the chance to breathe, to be silent and only have to be concerned with what cartoon to watch or which coloring book to color allows you to focus on something healthy and mundane, instead of pushing you into sadness, frustration, anxiety.

It is like a vacation for the mind. I know it is like this for many littles.

Littlespace gives them the chance to be silly, whimsical and enjoy their time without worry. It is a safe space where they can be their fun, carefree (not to be confused with careless) selves.

But sometimes littlespace seems to be just out of reach, no matter how much you want to slip into it and feel your happy smol self.

So what can you do to fix that?

Here are some tips and ideas that never fail!

Use a pacifier.

pacifier

This is a great option if you have one. If not, a thumb can work, too.

Often stressed out or anxious littles fidget when they are overthinking – they will also grind their teeth or chew their nails, so not only does this item reinforce littlespace, it also helps to ensure you keep your mouth busy on something less harmful and painful.

Also the soft sucking sounds can be soothing and very grounding, which allows you to slough off some of the stress from your day.

Eat your favorite snacks and foods.

baby food

Sometimes it can help to have your favorite snacks in your favorite plate or bowl.

Try things that you associate with being in littlespace and things that are easy to do and do not require much preparation – Goldfish, pudding, jello, chicken nuggets, french fries, cookies, eggs in a basket, animal crackers, peanut butter (or wild butter) and jelly sandwiches are a few common choices.

Me? I really love seedless grapes and gummy bears because they’re small and have great textures that make me feel little.

Plus I can play at biting off the bears heads! Any snacks that might encourage little roleplay is a must!

Take a bath!

dog bath

Most often being unable to get into little space stems from being too stressed or worn out.

This is when you need littlespace the most!

Engaging in actions that are generally helpful when you are stressing can help you get to a point where littlespace is easier to get into.

Draw yourself a warm bath (or if you are not a bath person, take a nice warm shower). Use your favorite soaps, use bath bombs with soothing aromas like honey, lavender, sandalwood, vetiver, patchouli, etc. and soak for at least 30 minutes.

If you are feeling like you can be playful, bring some bath toys into the mix and splash around a little bit with your rubber duckie or other waterproof toys.

When you are done, wrap yourself in the biggest, fluffiest towel you own, fix your hair into easy ponytails and dress yourself in something that makes you feel little – maybe your favorite onesie, some pull ups or dips, an oversized shirt, or something in your favorite colors.

Listen to music.

pingu music

What they say about music soothing the most savage of beasts is quite true, so why not use it to calm your brain into a gentler space?

Some good ideas are lullabies, soft classical music, or even children’s songs which might help you get into the proper headspace.

YouTube is your friend in this case – you can find anything from the usual nursery rhymes to classic rock favorites that have been remade with soothing instrumentals.

Watch cartoons.

pony watching cartoons

Do you have a favorite cartoon that you could watch a million times and still love?

Right now, this could be the golden ticket to the land of littlespace.

Turn it on and sit yourself down with your favorite snack, coloring book, or stuffie and watch your favorite characters get up to their usual shenanigans.

Disappearing into a fictional world can really help to let go of what is keeping you in big space and open up your more creative and whimsical side which makes it easier to access littlespace.

Some great cartoons are My Little Pony, Trolls, Bee and Puppycat, Adventure Time, Paw Patrol… the list could go on forever!

Watch a movie.

disney movie

Some people swear by Disney movies!

Do you have a favourite one that you love watching? Aladdin? Mulan? Moana?

Put it on. Let yourself sing along to the songs, react to the villain’s mean plans and the protagonist’s success.

Snuggle with your stuffies in a blanket.

cat with stuffie

Don’t really have the energy to do much of anything after a long day?

Something as simple as climbing into bed, wrapping yourself in a blanket and snuggling your favorite stuffies can help.

It is especially useful if they are ones you really connect with in your little space.

Scented or weighted stuffies are also really useful for grounding you, so if you have any of those, snuggle them tight and try to clear your mind.

Drink from sippies or bottles.

dog feeding sheep

Who doesn’t love a baba of wawa?

Or a sippy with chocolate or strawberry milk?

Drinking from these will definitely make you feel smaller than drinking them from a tall glass or cup.

Don’t have sippies or bottles? Use a straw!

And make sure you drink something you would find soothing in your little space.

You could even do hot chocolate so long as you make sure the temperature is not too hot!

Little speak.

 

If you have a caregiver or other little friends you can talk to, use your little voice and speak in little speak if this is something you would normally do in littlespace.

Even if you are not in littlespace, faking it until you make it can really work when it comes to using this method.

Sometimes when I have a rough time and neither caregiver nor friends are present, I will pick up my favourite stuffies and have a little conversation with them.

I will ask them about their days and respond in kind. It can really help you get into a more juvenile frame of mind.

Hang out with other little friends.

Spend time around other littles.

I have found that being around and engaging with others who are in littlespace can draw out my own inner little.

Hearing them talk in their little voices, using littlespeak, engaging in non-sexual playtime like colouring, playing with sensory toys, building blocks and legos, watching cartoons together, can really help you get right into the proper space.

If you are like me and do not have many local little friends, there are plenty of online communities and technology makes it so easy to still be able to play with your friends as if they are right there with you!

Try using Skype or Discord for voice and video calls. You can also use rabb.it to watch cartoons and movies together at the same time!

Go to your favorite toy store.

toy store

Sometimes a trip to the toy store is all that you need.

Surround yourself with all the cute things you can all in one spot!

If you can, maybe even treat yourself to something new – a big floor puzzle, a new stuffy, some cars or activity books.

Think about what little you enjoys and look at all they have to offer to coax little you out of hiding.

Read your favorite bedtime story.

go to sleep

Read your favorite bedtime story or have it read to you by a friend, caregiver or babysitter.

Focus on the illustrations and the simple language used.

If your old book just isn’t cutting it, try a new book or one you do not remember the ending to, that way it seems like more of an adventure and less about going through the motions.

Give it time.

Sometimes you just need time to deal with what you are going through first before you can get into littlespace.

Handle your business as best as you can, allow some time to pass for you to get back into a state where you aren’t feeling like you need to be big.

Don’t try to force little space too much or else it could become something you resent. If nothing works then sometimes time is the only thing that will. It can be frustrating, but be patient. Your littlespace will return to you.

I hope that this little guide can help you seek out a bit of light when you feel like you are being swallowed up by everything else.

And remember, just because you may be experiencing some trouble getting into littlespace does not mean your little side is invalid. It does not make you any less a little than you always have been. Be gentle with yourselves and stay optimistic. Your little space will return before you know it!

BDSM And Kink: Myths And Reality

An Introduction to Kink

Let me begin this by expressing that I myself am part of a DDLG dynamic with my partner, and it’s heavily featuring in our day to day lives, so would definitely be considered a lifestyle relationship.

While I am only 21, I wholly believe my young age can give me an edge instead of being a hindrance, simply because I’m still learning, and all of my research is still being done in order to widen my horizons and expand my knowledge about the BDSM community.

Kink and BDSM, while from the outside might look more harmful than loving, can end up being the best thing for an individual, and can actually make them feel safer than they’ve ever felt, provided you’re safe and careful when choosing someone to be your BDSM counterpart.

There are many, many subcategories of BDSM and it has to be said that because a lot of vanilla people don’t quite understand the dynamics of BDSM relationships, they tend to develop usually very negative opinions on kink and BDSM.

It is somewhat understandable, considering the Sadism and Masochism that takes place in many of these dynamics, with a lot of uneducated people assuming that BDSM relationships and dynamics are highly abusive, as well as assuming that they are all heavily centered around sex!

I suppose in a way this article is trying to educate not so knowledgable people about the realities of BDSM and kink, and hopefully dispelling some of the myths that surround our little world!

I don’t intend to shove any information down anyone’s throats, but I definitely feel like a few things should be cleared up, and hopefully one day soon, BDSM might become a slightly less judged lifestyle choice, if not more accepted!

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Myth One – Kink doesn’t have an age restriction, because it’s illegal in most places.

We all knew this was going to happen, so let’s just get this one out of the way quickly and move on to the real stuff you want to see.

In a lot of different countries, BDSM and kink based relationships are technically illegal because of the fact they’re considered to be abusive and in the eyes of a judge, it is very difficult for anyone at all to defend themselves in a courtroom and try to explain it was consented to, even when you’re over the legal age of majority (18-21 depending on location, if I’m not mistaken).

The fact that BDSM is illegal in most places to all ages is an argument often used by minors wanting to gain access to a community and lifestyle they really shouldn’t be able to be a part of.

But the reality of the situation is, when you attempt to claim consent in a trial such as this, if you’re under the age of majority, the judge is much more likely to rule coercion of a minor, which would mean that there would be some kind of legal consequence for yourself, your partner, or both of you, depending on the situation.

However, being of age would allow you more solidarity in a court room, as you are considered to be a legal adult, and a plea of consent would be a lot more likely to be heard by a judge and jury.

In all honesty, if the fear of being in trouble with the law isn’t enough for minors to stay away?

I honestly don’t know what will be.

But we can all do our best to keep minors safe, and at arm’s length from the community until they are legally able to defend themselves, should the need arise.

Anyway, moving on.

Myth Two – You have to do everything your Dom(me) tells you to, without question.

This one is another pretty heavy myth, but probably one of the most important.

This one also definitely pertains to the less experienced Dom(me)s *and even Subs!) out there.

Say it with me now, no mean no!

If you’re a Dominant in a BDSM dynamic, you must always gain consent from your Submissive before you do anything with them.

It is as simple as that.

Just because you are their Dominant, that doesn’t for any reason mean they cannot deny you something they don’t want to do at any given time you ask them to.

Demanding something from your Sub because ‘they’re your Sub, and they chose this life’ is very alike to comparing becoming a Submissive to giving up human rights.

If you’re looking for someone to consent to you and submit to you 100% of the time without fail, there are indeed some Submissives that claim to do that.

However, I would go into an arrangement like that with the very real understanding that it probably won’t remain that way forever, simply because humans have changes of hearts and minds, and in a few months, that agreement of 100% submission may not fit them as a person any more, and that’s okay!

The dynamic can be whatever you both/all want it to be!

If you agree to 100% submission, you should definitely discuss any hard limits either of you may have.

Remember, just because someone wants to be beneath you 100% of the time, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll want to do anything you ask.

For example, I once had a Dominant that tried to tell me I had to be okay with a golden shower when he wanted it, because I wanted to submit to him 100%.

This is definitely not the case. If you have hard limits, they should be respected, not belittled, just because that’s something your dominant wants.

So, before you enter a 100% submission agreement, I have some advice for both parties.

Subs, make sure your concerns are heard, make sure that you voice your hard limits and stick to them!

Nobody can tell you that you aren’t a true Submissive if you have hard limits, that simply isn’t true!

And finally, know that you can change your mind. If you don’t want to submit all the time anymore, no Dominant has any right to attempt to keep you in that arrangement.

And Doms, if your Submissive doesn’t seem into it any more? Let them go, or at very least, revise your arrangement.

There are many ways this myth can be dispelled, but honestly, it’s easy.

If you don’t have consent from your Submissive, or if they genuinely seem averse to doing something you ask of them, take a step back, breathe, and just talk to them.

They are much more likely to trust you as a person, and as their Dominant if you respect their boundaries and understand that they aren’t always going to want to submit.

Myth Three – BDSM is always sexual

This is definitely one of the myths that irks me the most, because it’s such a silly statement!

Is your vanilla relationship with your boyfriend always sexual?

Do you go grocery shopping and immediately want to rip each other’s clothes off and do it amongst the carrots?

Well I mean, kinky couples might actually have a fantasy like that, especially if they’re exhibitionists, but I digress.

The bottom line is, nothing is always sexual.

Most relationships, kink-based or not, will eventually have some kind of sexual aspect to them, but while BDSM is widely associated with weird and wonderful sex, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s always sexual.

The example that I always enjoyed was – a massage. However sensual a massage may be, it’s just a massage, unless you actively turn it into a sexual activity. For some, massages almost always lead to intercourse, but for others, it’s a way to unwind, relax, and really regain comfort in their own skin. The same goes for BDSM.

A lot of people turn to BDSM as a way to unwind, and usually find that Sadism, Masochism, Dominance and Submission (dependent of course on their characteristics) can be incredibly cathartic.

A great example of this is the very real and accurate stereotype that important businessmen want to be put in their place by a Domme every now and again, as it allows them time away from their usual life, along with all the responsibilities they hold.

I have a very good friend in the Dominatrix trade, and she couldn’t agree more with this stereotype.

A lot of her clients come to her, rich middle aged men wanting to be demoralized as a way of relieving tension after stressful workdays.

She also insists that absolutely none of her clients are involved with her sexually, and while many relieve themselves at the end of the session, for her it is absolutely nothing more than a business transaction, and something she does not for sexual reasons, but because she enjoys the powerful feeling that comes from taking charge.

Myth Four – Safe words are made to be used

I honestly think this is a personal feeling, but I know a fair few others that hold the same opinion, so here’s a small section on safe words.

These are obscure words you usually wouldn’t say in your day to day life (in order for them to be easily identifiable in a scene if something is wrong) that immediately bring whatever you are doing to a halt. First off, it is etiquette, of course, if a safe word is uttered by either party (yes – Dominants can be the one to use the safe word! – see Myth Five) to make sure that whoever uttered it is physically, and possibly more importantly, mentally okay.

Safe words, for anyone that doesn’t know, are used as an emergency stop if you will, when a scene you’re taking part in takes a turn you don’t like, or something goes wrong.

I’ve seen people on multiple occasions bragging that they’ve pushed their Sub to say their safe word within a scene, and thinking that makes the scene ‘successful’.

However, this is absolutely not the case.

A massive mantra a lot of people go by in the BDSM community is ‘safe, sane and consensual’, and the idea that you should intentionally push your Submissive (or Dominant) to the point that they are so uncomfortable they feel the need to use their safe word is the opposite of what that mantra promotes.

The less a safe word is used, the better.

If your safe word is being used a lot, it could indicate that you’re consistently pushing the boundaries a little too much for your partner, and this should be addressed immediately, as BDSM dynamics can suffer greatly from lack of communication and care for each other’s wellbeing.

Communicate. Make sure your counterpart is happy, mentally, and that they feel at ease in your arrangement and company.

Myth Five – Only the Submissive can use the safe word

Taking all of Myth Four into consideration, there’s another little detail about safe words that I’m sure would be a nice thing for some Dominants to read.

If you use the safe word before your Sub does – that isn’t a bad thing.

It doesn’t mean you’re soft, or that you can’t handle being a Dominant.

In fact, it’s actually a good thing.

It shows deep compassion for your Submissive, and a need to know that they’re okay.

If they use the safe word, you know for a fact that something is wrong, but if you use it first, it shows a great level of care for your Submissive, and that is one of the most important things in a BDSM dynamic.

Show your Submissive you care.

Myth Six – Fifty Shades of Grey is a good reference point for BDSM relationships.

No. No no no no no! Fifty Shades, while a moderately amusing franchise of films that I will admit I watched because I like Jamie Dornan in a suit, are not by any means a good reference point for BDSM relationships.

In fact, Fifty Shades and the kind of things it promotes in the world of BDSM are honestly laughable, and definitely frowned upon by the real life BDSM community.

While yes, it could be possibly argued that the books and films slightly normalized kink and brought a good few people around to the kinky way of thinking, it definitely did more harm than good for our reputation in the real world.

One main issue that many kinksters had with the franchise was the heavily abusive relationship that Christian and Ana delve into.

The stalking, putting a chip in her phone, buying her a new car and scrapping her old one, using gifts as ammunition against her?

These are all red flags and actually signs of a gaslighting sociopath – so if this is the kind of arrangement you find yourself in, please make sure you know what you are doing.

It could potentially be very dangerous, and damaging to your self worth.

As previously stated, all BDSM relationships, at least all healthy ones, pride themselves on having large amounts of compassion for each other, and making sure that everything is consented to.

This is not what is portrayed in Fifty Shades of Grey, and could arguably be where the stigma that Submissives should submit all the time comes from.

Myth Seven – You must include toys in your scenes

This isn’t a myth that I’ve come across as much as the others, but the BDSM community is definitely considered to have a penchant for whips and chains, and all manner of sex toys like vibrators, butt plugs and the like.

While yes, some strands of BDSM – like Sadism/Masochism, Bondage, and certain fetishes feature these objects pretty heavily, that certainly isn’t the case for all subcategories.

I pride myself on being the Little Girl half of a monogamous Daddy Dom Little Girl relationship dynamic (DDLG for short) and we almost never use toys in our play spaces.

I rely much more on items such as Adult Pacifiers for my Little Space because I definitely consider my kink to be mainly non-sexual.

See below for some visuals of the aforementioned products and where you can buy them!

Who said sex toys have to be scary looking? All toys can be cutesy or kitsch, as well as black and intimidating – it just depends on what you prefer!

Having said all of that, it is perfectly acceptable to engage in BDSM scenes with just yourself and your partner.

There doesn’t need to be toys involved if you don’t want them or can’t afford to make that happen.

It makes you no less valid. BDSM has no pattern, and not set rulebook for you to follow. 

You make the rules and limits, and you make it unique.

 

DDLG Advice Column: Long Distance Daddy Dom (Episode 3)

Hi there! Here at Little Space Life, we get a LOT of great questions from our email list about DDLG and the kink lifestyle in general. While I’m going to eventually reply to everyone (I promise!), in the meantime I pass a select few questions onto our resident sexpert, Lady Promethea, who does her best to get to the bottom of it.

Today we have a very common situation: long distance relationships. Sigh.

Image result for long distance relationships meme


Dear Lady Promethea,

My daddy and I are long distance. What are some great little dates that we can do together?

Thanks in advance,

Alone in Albany


Dear Alone in Albany,

Long distance relationships (or LDRs, for short) can be very rewarding yet very difficult relationships to maintain.

Distance can make the heart grow fonder but it can also place a wedge between the individuals.

 However, there are plenty of activities you and your Daddy can do together, even when you are far apart!

Here are some tried, tested and true ways to keep the fire burning and the loneliness at bay:


1. Voice and Video Calls:

Image result for video calls funny

Whether you use Skype, WhatsApp, Google Hangouts or Discord (probably the best method) you can engage in voice or video calls.

Sometimes just hearing your loved one’s voice or seeing their face is enough to push away the sad feelings for a time.

I would suggest setting up a specific time every week so that it becomes something of a routine.

2. Watch Cartoons Together:

Image result for cartoons gif

Using Discord or rabb.it, you can stream Netflix, YouTube, Crunchyroll… just about anything you can watch online – and be able to voice chat at the same time!

That way it is as if your Daddy is right there with you, watching your favourite cartoons!

3. Assignments and Tasks

Image result for chores gif

Maybe you are a little who has a hard time eating or doing chores.

Or perhaps you have activities you enjoy doing like colouring or reading. Work with your caregiver to come up with a schedule that you adhere to.

To prove you’ve done the thing, you can send gifs or pictures to your caregiver!

Sometimes you can even create a chore chart together that is updated throughout the week online which is especially helpful if you or your caregiver are too busy to voice chat or video chat daily!

4. Long Distance Sex Toys

If you miss sexual intimacy with your Daddy, phone sex, video sex and mutual masturbation are all very useful in a LDR.

If you and your Daddy enjoy impact play, purchase a paddle or flogger so that they can give you instruction that you follow through with while you are in the call.

If you enjoy shibari, purchase some rope, do some research and watch some tutorials on some simple ties that you can both enjoy.

If you enjoy your partner having control over your orgasm, there are wonderful distance sex toys that you can both use that sync up to an app through your wifi.

As you can see, being far apart does not mean you will have to be lonely! Give some of these a try and see how it can change your outlook!

As always,

I remain,

Lady Promethea

DDLG Advice Column: Sub Trouble (Episode 2)

Episode 2: Sub Trouble

In DADDY ISSUES, we sort out your kink questions.

We’ve still been collecting your questions from the email list, and we’re sending the best ones to the experts to get answered.

One question that seems to come up a LOT is about getting your dom to take it seriously.

Many people seem to have doms/daddies who can be a little lenient, or are worried about causing harm to their little.

That’s totally normal–and in fact is a sign of a good, caring relationship.

However, it can lead to problems if you’re not getting what you need out of the dynamic.

Fear not…Lady Promethea’s here to help!

Dear Lady Promethea,

If your dom or daddy is rather goofy or very lenient, how can you get them to be more dominant and stick by the rules that you create together?

Thanks,

Bratty in Bentonville

 


Dear Bratty in Bentonville,

Being A Brat

If your name is any indication of your submissive style – you likely try to brat in order to receive the funishment (or punishment if breaking a serious rule) you want – and if I am to make another educated guess from your inquiry – you are just not receiving the expected response to your provided stimulus.

Normally if a dominant is not fulfilling their side of the agreement, it could be one of three main reasons – he is not yet firm in his own style of domination, he has forgotten the rules, or he does not feel comfortable with them.

The easy answer to all three, and to your question, is to communicate your concerns openly and honestly.  

Candid Chat

Do not spring the conversation on him.  

Tell him you would like to set aside some time to discuss your dynamic, specifically the rules and the punishments associated with breaking them.

During the in between time (or even before you set the time) it is a good practice to know exactly what it is that you feel is lacking – is he not enforcing the rules consistently?  

Or not at all?

Are there specific rules he seems more keen on sticking to?

How often does he actually take the rules to heart?

Back To The Rulebook

And also review the rules themselves – do they seem lax or unimportant or even insignificant?  If so that may be urging him to be lenient because he may think them to be silly.

When you do sit down to talk to him, ask him what he thinks of the rules, the punishments.

Ask him how he feels when you are good, and when you go against the rules that are set out.

Ask him if he wants anything to change about them.  Discuss how it makes you feel about yourself, your dynamic, and him when he does not follow through.

Usually candid and thorough discussion will bring out the answers you seek and then you can discuss how to proceed in the future!

Let me know how it goes, Bratty.

I remain,

Lady Promethea

 

DDLG Advice Column: Daddy Issues (Episode 1)

DADDY ISSUES: A Kinky Advice Column

Episode 1: Am I A Little?

A new regular advice column featuring a special guest author answering your questions about petplay, dd/lg, and the kink lifestyle in general.

You’ve got questions….

I put out a call out in our newsletter for questions about the kink lifestyle.

We got a LOT of responses, and they’re extremely interesting.

We’ve got answers!

I wanted to get really good answers to the questions for you.

So I called in an expert.

Presenting…Lady Promethea.

She’s going to be answering your questions on a regular basis!

Our First Edition

In our first week, we have a question from an interested reader.

I’ve kept them anonymous, of course.

If you want to submit questions of your own, subscribe to our mailing list!

Question 1 – Becoming A Little.

Dear Lady Promethea,

How would I go about finding out if I’m a little or not? I’m into BDSM and petplay, but is it possible to have a Little side as well?

Love,

(Maybe) Little In Lichtenstein

woman-pink-bondage-set-ddlg-kink


Dear Little In Lichtenstein,

It is definitely possible to have multiple submissive headspaces – littlespace being one of them.

Sometimes interest is sparked by something as simple as having a desire to use a certain object (example, a pacifier), or perhaps to exhibit a certain personality trait (example, innocence or naivety).  

The basis of littlespace is wanting to be in an environment and headspace where you can express yourself without fear. It is also a space where you can take on more infantile or less mature expressions.  

It is a space where you can release yourself from your usual responsibilities and feel safe knowing that your dominant (often referred to as your caregiver, Daddy or Mommy) is guiding and caring for you and your needs.  

The little space headspace is different for everyone.  

Some people involve an element of ageplay where they may act younger than their actual age and so may use “littlespeak” (using more childlike phraseology and diction), or even become completely non-verbal, acting like they only understand simpler concepts, enjoy snuggling stuffies, sucking binkies, drinking from bottles, playing with toys, coloring and watching cartoons.

These actions help them get into their little space easier and also act as a way to relieve stress from the day. Some headspaces have a specific age or age range, while others do not.

One of the ways to see if you might enjoy being a little is to figure out what about the dynamic appeals to you.

Do you like the idea of giving up control and responsibility to your better?

Does the idea of having that authority figure care for you, give you tasks and discipline you excite you and bring a smile to your face?

Do you find comfort in snuggling stuffies, relaxing to cartoons and coloring?

Then you may very well be a little.

Generally speaking, being little means being able to enjoy a bit of time in a world where responsibilities are set aside, you are able to be carefree, playful, feel cared for and safe.

I would suggest setting some time aside during your day to try some of the fun little activities mentioned to see if this type of kink appeals to you.

Enjoy your journey in little space!

I remain,

Lady Promethea

Make sure you sign up to our newsletter to get these questions and answers straight to your inbox, as well as quizzes, articles, and discount codes!

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