I responded to an inquiry not too long ago, sent by a concerned little who did not know how to be little without a caregiver.
They felt that their littlespace had become an invalid headspace for them to hold, and they weren’t very sure on how to express it or enjoy it without the presence of someone else.
Lots of aspects of CGL and DDLG can become a little harder or more absent without a caregiver, but the presence or lack of a relationship should never define your headspace.
Your space and the expression of it may be enhanced of enriched by the presence of a partner in your life (or alternatively stifled or deadened in a toxic situation), but it should still be something you can indulge in and love about yourself, even alone!
So, I thought it might be a good idea to write about how to maintain littlespace alone, what you can do alone to indulge in your littlespace, how you can police yourself in a way that a caregiver would outside of your littlespace, and give some tips on keeping the little fire of wonder and excitement turning inside you, even without external motivation.
What Is Littlespace
For those of you just staring out in this wonderful world of littlespace, you may be wondering what littlespace is and a little lost in the sea of aesthetic Tumblr and Instagram pages, cute text posts, and onesies, without really knowing what makes you a little.
It is less about the pastels and the toys, or the diapers and onesies, and more about you and your submissive headspace.
What makes you think or feel that you are a little?
Do you connect with a more juvenile, younger mindset and exhibit behaviours that you associate with a younger age?
Do you engage in activities that you enjoyed as a child and bring you comfort now as an adult?
Do you feel a sense of wonder at the things around you and see the world through eyes that are more fanciful and carefree?
Then you just might be a little.
Littlespace is a headspace where you can experience all of these and more.
Where you can enjoy that sense of wonder and feel fulfilled and happy engaging in some of the simpler things.
It is a relief from stressful situations and everyday life.
A place your mind can go to take a break, to stop thinking, stop worrying, and open yourself up to the possibility of fun and fancy.
To most, this is what littlespace is to them, and how they experience it on a more cognitive and emotional level.
Of course, it goes without saying that your littlespace can be sexual or non-sexual.
Some find that there is something about the innocence of that headspace that urges them to keep it sex-free, and that is just as valid as others who find that their littlespace may be sexual, or go to a darker space with their ageplay.
All of these are valid.
Once you’ve found what littlespace is to you, it becomes much easier to guide yourself into feeling little, staying little, and doing it without the help of external forces.
What Makes You Feel Little
Now that you have a better understanding of your headspace, the next question to ask yourself is what sorts of things make you feel little.
Are there particular activities that help make you slip into the headspace?
This is where the more materialistic side of your headspace may come into play.
It is one thing to know deep down what you are and take solace in it, but being able to act it out and make it a part of your life, whether everyday or when you need it most, is also important.
Here are some of the more common activities that littles indulge in:
- Watching your favourite cartoons and movies. Get involved like you might have when you were little.
Do not hide your reactions, but instead interact with what you are watching.
Lots of children’s cartoons will break the 4th wall to get people involved in the show and ask questions that are easy to answer.
Participate in those.
Or if you feel a favourite character is doing something wrong, tell them. We always know that they can’t hear us, but it is still fun, regardless, and will draw you deeper into the headspace.
More of an anime person? That is okay tooWatch whatever makes you feel that sense of wonder and draws your focus well enough to keep it.
Eating snacks that are more childish, for example baby carrots, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, mac and cheese – basically easy-to-make comfort foods and snacks that make you think of being younger; little – this can help make you feel small and also makes sure that you are eating.
You can also do this with beverages – drink things that you associate with your littlespace.
Strawberry milk, apple juice, orange juice, water, chocolate milk are some favourites.
Lactose intolerant? Try the coconut, almond or soy versions available that won’t hurt your tummy.
It might even help to drink these things from a bottle, sippy cup or with a straw depending on which you associate with your littlespace the most.
- Playing with toys – whether they are toys you might have played with as an infant, toddler, child or even adult, playtime is important for all aspects of life, really, but especially for littlespace.
It allows you to focus your attention and energies into something that is fun and relatively stress-free.
This could be legos, dolls, having a little tea party with stuffies, or even playing board games, card games and video games.
These are all fun activities that you can do by yourself!.
- Dressing the part can be helpful. If you really connect to onesies and you feel nice and small in them, then there is no reason why you should stay away from indulging yourself in this aspect of littlespace.
A onesie could be perfect for getting you into the mood.
If you are an ABDL as often there is a crossover (though they are too different headspaces and kinks), you may want to consider using diapers to make you feel little.
There are also bloomers, pacifiers, cute rompers, bibs, skirts and dresses, long warm socks – it can be a fun adventure finding attire that helps you settle into your headspace.
Play with animals.Some littles really find that their littlespace shines when they get to be around animals.
I would never suggest getting a pet if it is not something you have thought through seriously and thoroughly, and know you can handle the responsibility of.
But if you are ready for a pet or already have a pet, chances are you feel comfortable and happy around them, and may even feel little because playing with something that has a smaller capacity for communication and verbal understanding can cause you to slip into a similar headspace where you think and communicate less, use smaller words, etc.
If you do not have a pet and know that you cannot take care of one to the standard needed, trips to the zoo, even a small petting zoo, or a pet store to see the animals, might also be a way that animals are made available to you without the long term responsibility of keeping a pet.
Use little speak. For some littles, using little speak, though not technically a materialistic way of expressing yourself, can be useful as well.
Using a less advanced vocabulary, or a voice that you associate with a younger version of yourself can help intensify your littlespace.
And there is nothing wrong with playing make believe and speaking with your toys and stuffies in this way.
Coloring and other forms of artistic expression might be perfect for you if you are an artsy little.
You might enjoy something simple, like children’s coloring books, or more intricate adult coloring books in your littlespace.
You may even prefer something different – doodling, sketching, painting, sculpting – these are all valid ways of expressing yourself.
You could fingerpaint yourself a landscape.
You could cut out construction paper and make little figures to play with.
You could use clay to mold figurines.
With art, the sky really is the limit.
And remember – there is no right or wrong with art.
Some people have a natural affinity to it, some never develop talent.
It isn’t about whether you can produce something that looks professional or not.
It is about whether engaging in these activities makes you smile, feel little and feel good.
Listening to music is another activity you can do alone.
Feel the urge to get up and dance around? Do it!
Have fun with the music you enjoy – whether it is lullabies, nursery rhymes, or any other genre, find songs that make you feel little and make yourself a playlist that you can listen through.
This is often fun to pair with other activities, like coloring or playing with toys.
You could also search for other littles on YouTube who upload content and watch them.
Sometimes seeing other littles in littlespace can inspire littlespace in you!
Reading. If you really love stories, you can get some children’s books, or young adult or even adult fiction that produces and fosters that sensation of wonder and glee.
If you don’t like reading in your littlespace, there are plenty of audio books you can purchase and it will feel as though you have someone else reading to you.
Or, if you are looking for something free, check out YouTube and search for readings of books or stories you connect with.
Whatever activities you choose, just remember to be yourself.
If you find you’re pushing yourself too hard to feel little, then take a step back and maybe try to figure out what is causing the block.
While littlespace can be a great help when under a lot of stress, it can also run and hide when things become too stressful or there are just too many things on your plate.
Being little is not a replacement or excuse to not be responsible for yourself and your life.
In fact, some might feel guilt when wanting to indulge in their special headspace when they have important things to tend to.
While you should never feel bad about needing a break for your mental health, if all you are doing is worrying while you are trying to chase that comfort zone, it won’t be effective.
Your best bet is to try to adult and slowly get some of those responsibilities out of the away and then try for littlespace again. You might find it come to you more easily.
How To Be Your Own Caregiver
One of the things single littles miss or long for is having the structure and permission to do things that a caregiver can bring to your submissive space and to their life, overall.
A good caregiver will help you find the balance between being an adult and being little.
They will want to see you succeed in all things, including your submissive headspace, and they will want to provide you with guidance, care, affection.
These are the core traits of a dominant and caregiver.
However, you do not necessarily need someone to be able to do this for you.
If you have a lot of Tasks you need to complete daily, you can create a chart for yourself and reward yourself with stickers everytime that you complete each task.
This gives you a way to keep organized by yourself, it allows you to take responsibility into your own hands, it also adds an element of achievement and pride, things that are often desirable to littles.
You can also reward yourself for your hard work at the end of the week, biweekly, or monthly, with something that you might enjoy in your littlespace.
On a sexual level, you could make masturbation a reward for a job well done, or a certain kind of play you enjoy indulging in but don’t always have the time to explore. Set some time aside for it and indulge as a treat to yourself.
Buy new toys (sexual or otherwise) as larger rewards for harder tasks.
And always remember that there may be days where you just can’t, and the best you can do is wake up, drink water, and eat toast.
You are trying, and you are still every bit as valid as on the days when you can do more things.
Remember, even daddies and mommies aren’t on 100% of the time.
All this having been said, it certainly cannot be denied that humans are, more often than not, social creatures.
We long to feel as though we belong to a group, welcome amongst peers with whom we share commonalities.
For some, this is less a want and more a need, and this is every bit as valid as preferring to be and feeling comfortable being alone.
Some feel they are the most connected to their headspaces when they can share it with others.
If you are one such person, there are many ways that you can interact with others who share similar desires, wants and interests.
If you are ready for a romantic relationship and want to find someone who can enjoy you being in littlespace as much as you do, you can search for someone to make a connection with.
Always make sure that you vet your prospective partner, especially if you plan on forming a power exchange dynamic with them and would like to have them eventually take on a caregiver role within your relationship.
You can use FetLife and the new and growing KinkHub to get more involved in your local community, attend events (munches and dungeon events), meet new people, expand your social network and perhaps meet someone through this avenue.
You can also try your hand at online dating sites that cater to more kinky individuals.
The best advice I can give when looking for a partner online is to take your time.
It may feel good at first, and you may want to rush into things, but always remember it is important to get to know someone and see if you really are compatible and you are both capable of giving the other what you both seek from a partner.
Be open and honest with your communication, and never shy away from piping up about what you are looking for and what will make you happiest.
Babysitters and “Siblings”
Not ready for something romantic and just looking for a more casual or platonic relationship?
Perhaps finding yourself a babysitter is just what you need.
Think of it as caregiver light.
They will check in on you, be someone you can talk to when you are having a rough time, ir just to chat about what’s going on in your life, and even hold a more dominant role in your life.
However, at the end of the day, they are not someone who is expected to take on full responsibility for you.
They are not necessarily always available, and usually not to the extent and depth of a full-time caregiver.
They can be a platonic friend who makes sure you are getting things done, and may also spend time engaging with you while you are in your littlespace.
What do they get out of it?
They would likely be the type of person who wants to help make a difference in a submissive’s life but may not have a lot of time on their hands to be a full caregiver to a little.
They could also be a switch who finds that they have moments where they are more dominant and need to have that side of themselves expressed.
Whatever the case may be, you can find them in the same way you might find a caregiver, or if you do not mind something long distance and online, you can find them through other forms of social media where you would normally find others interacting in kink – like Instagram, Twitter, Kinkhub and various BDSM chat rooms.
Of course, as always, be careful about interacting with people online.
Never give out personal information that you wouldn’t normally give out to a stranger, and take your time getting to know them to see if they might be a good fit.
The same would go for a sibling, which is often a dynamic that you have with another little who may be older or younger than you (with their real age or their little age).
This may or may not include a sexual element.
It is less of a caregiver and more someone you can be little with.
If they are more inclined to be dominant towards you, then they could take on a topping role with you as the bottom, and function similar to a babysitter, but often will get into a bit of trouble with you.
Again, they do not usually carry the same level of responsibility and involvement as a caregiver would.
Sometimes a caregiver is not the answer and you are just looking for someone else to be little with.
Maybe you are the type of little who is fully capable of being responsible outside of littlespace, one who does not need the extra motivation and support that a power dynamic can provide, but instead just longs for platonic companionship.
Having other little friends, whether in person or online, can fill that desire as well.
Having a hard time finding little friends to play with?
You can use the same places mentioned before in order to find others that enjoy your kink.
There are personals on Reddit as well if you are looking for someone in your area or online.
You can also try FetLife, which would be safer.
Check for any little meetups in your area, or munches that you can attend in the overall BDSM community where you live.
You might be able to find other littles or submissives when you attend these munches.
If you are not opposed to online interaction and online friendships, then of course you can use Twitter and Instagram which have some developed kink communities.
I will warn that Instagram has been making it harder for kinksters to express themselves on their platform, but the community is still there, accessible, and full of kind, welcoming littles.
Sex Workers and Content Creators
Many people do not think about sex workers (SW) as companions, but they certainly can be.
Sex workers can be hired for sexual or non-sexual interactions, online or in person.
This is a route many people can and do go.
Perhaps you just want some daddy or mommy content with pictures, voice recordings, online texting or sexting.
Many sex workers will allow you to choose your custom content and are happy to help you achieve what you’re looking for if it is within the services that they provide.
There is still a strong stigma attached to this line of work, and seeking out practitioners, however there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Just be sure to vet your service providers, and remember etiquette.
Never attempt to force a sex worker to do something outside of their limits.
Never asks for free content.
Be respectful and clear about what you want.
Do not haggle – if you cannot afford the services you are looking for, then try with someone else.
You can find people who cam on cam sites like Chaturbate.
You can request custom videos on ManyVids from a content creator of your choice.
You can get phone sex or phone conversations using NiteFlirt.
You can even search through Reddit to see what is available from that side of the internet.
If you have the income and want the companionship, catered to your needs, this is an option you can explore.
Of course, be mindful of your local laws and be careful about keeping your and your sex worker’s information private to keep you both safe.
Whether you have a caregiver, sibling, babysitter, little friends or not your littlespace is valid.
It is a state that you can exist in without external input.
However, if you find it too hard to maintain on your own through various activities and expressions, there are ways to find others to enjoy your littlespace with!
Do not give up on a part of yourself if you still feel it is a part of you that you want to engage in.
But also remember, alternatively, if something no longer serves your purpose, it is okay to stop engaging with it altogether.
Littlespace is a wonderful headspace and I hole you find ways to enjoy it, however you choose is best for you!